ShadoAngelSoZ's Xanga

The Greatest Week Ever

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 04:41:49 GMT

I think that's actually the title for an MTV show. But it's a great tagline for... anything in your life. Endeavor to make each day better than the day before. Tomorrow will be better than today. 07 will kick 06's butt [it... it's actually done that already for me, and we're only in April] and 2008 will rock '07's socks off.

Let's see. Last update was Saturday. Sunday was Easter service. Pretty cool. Talked about Jesus's scourging, time in the garden, betrayal, death, and of course - resurrection. Then we came home and hung out. Ate ham. Good stuff.

Monday I worked with Caleb and I made some good money. On my home the Hare's invited me to go see Mrs. Hare's side of the family. So I went, ate, had a good time. Her whole family like tried to intimidate me by appearing aloof and withdrawn by sitting in the other room. Which... I found hilarious.

Tuesday I worked with... Joseph? Yes, Joseph. 'Cause we blew through it like speed demons. He got me extremely motivated and I knocked out some windows like... fast. We got off work early and went to the Hare's so Joseph could meet Juan and Eric, these two adorable 4 and 5 year olds. So we played with them at the park and then wound up staying at the Hare's until 10. Mrs. Hare offered us pizza. How could we refuse? We had to stay. *laughs* You all have *no* idea how weird somethings are for me and just... totally out of my comfort zone.

Wednesday I think I worked with Eddie. Which was good 'cause I haven't talked with him in a while. Got out on time/a little early and I went to Nigel and Amanda's youth group and hung out and then Nigel and the Hare's and I went to Starbucks afterwards. Fun stuff. I like all those conversations. =)

Thursday was... I have no idea. It's honestly like a blank space that just says "day before Prom".

Friday was funny because I had to work, but since I was only working half a day, I was going to follow the van with my car. But the job was in Schertz. Which means instead of waking up at 5:45, I can get up at like 7:40. Well, long story short I didn't leave my house until 10:00. The guys were super-late getting to the job site for various reasons. So I work for 2 or 3 hours and head back home. Me and dad are working on the Chevelle. We had... actually a lot to do. Switching wheels/tires, installing a new alternator, painting the differential cap and replacing the fluid, cleaning the windows... a few other things. It was crazy. It wound up with me getting ready in like... half an hour. It was amazing. I showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, put on deodorant and special AXE spray [Essence > others], and got dressed [which... in a tuxedo is like an accomplishment by itself] and we took off in the Chevelle to drop of Noah, pick up Amanda and go to Prom.

Prom was... in one word: Rowdy. And if I used more words, I'd write an essay on it. Kinda like I did with D'Nae this afternoon. *laughs* I really don't want to get into it, but there were a few rough patches [not for me personally, just... because people close to me to were going through some negative stuff in places] but for the vast majority of the time it was just totally awesome. Like, really good. We had to leave a bit early to get Amanda home on time, but the ride home was... I don't know what the word is for that feeling. It was good. It rained, the Chevelle's engine was loud, it was lightning'ing [real word!], and we got to talk for a little bit.

Mmm. After we dropped Amanda off at her house, I went to IHOP with Nigel, Claire, and Heather. Brian showed up later. I just want to say one thing for you kids out there: Be very very careful at night time. The old fogies can tell you it's dangerous with drunk people running around and *you* may never see them, but they're out there. And a few of us ran into a few of them last night. It's... just not "safe", eh? So be careful when you drive at night.

Then me and Nigel stayed up talking for a while at his house and we crashed like... 3 or so. Which isn't *that* late, but when your whole night has been completely and totally physically and emotionally exhausting it feels much much later than it is.

I slept till 12:40 this morning. It was glorious, except for Nigel's crappy upper bunk. Gah, my back. Mmm. Yeah, so I hung out for a while. Guided Nigel to a victory over Joseph in Supreme Commander. Wrote D'Nae a huge email. Worked out details with Joe about Freddie's party tonight and returning our formal wear to the Men's Wearhouse. Went with Nigel to church at CBC. Got drafted as a communion server dude. I've never been in the main/new building until today. Of course, "new" to me... is like 3 or 4 years old. During youth group Nigel was a table leader and I actually took a stroll down memory lane because the youth meet in the old sanctuary, which is where we used to do P.E. I went in the old CBC Homeschool group class rooms. Sat down in the room I used to take art lessons in. Thought about all the time I spent in those rooms, with those people. Annie, Cherie, Desiree, Marin, Nigel... it was old school. I greatly enjoyed it. Not so much because that was a good period of my life, but ... it's good to remember who you were, what you did, where you came from. Good to remember and see how things have changed.

Freddie's party was a blast. I was the Serial Killer and I won a Mafia game. It was... great fun. Steve and I really hit it up. We made up some funny stuff. Happy Birthday Frankie. I know you were 17 back in February. But your April party was lots of fun. Hahahaha. Poor kid had to wait 2 months.

And... now I'm back here. It's been a crazy, full tilt week. I'm hoping to relax tomorrow. Sleep in. Lay about the house. Call a few friends. That kind of stuff.

You are my brothers and my sisters - old or young, friends for 20 years or met with in the past one year. If we're not on speaking terms, I wish we were. If I've offended you I didn't mean to. If we haven't talked in a while, I hope we can catch up soon. I love each and every one of you, even if I don't act like it sometimes.

Awards go out as follows:
Monday - Caleb, for being a cool worker, and for being at 10% to let me make 20% on 700 bucks. Heck yes.
Tuesday - Joseph, for being a good sport about staying at the Hare's house so late. And to Mrs. Hare for making us stay for dinner. It was good.
Wednesday - Eddie for the day at work and Amanda for good talking.
Thursday - Megan. For kicking my butt when I needed it.
Friday - Amanda. For... everything. The spirited dancing, the crying, the talking, the looking awesome together in pictures, and for the ride home.
Saturday - Nigel. Because we rock. We won at SupCom, we served up communion, and we rocked Frankie's party.

For the whole week - My parents. For being cool with how much time I spend away from the house working, being with my girlfriend, and just flat out partying. For trusting me and for helping me when I need it. And for fixing that car so it looked so great for Prom night.

Jehovah Shalom, God of Peace - nothing missing, lacking or broken.

Next 2 You

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 17:33:40 GMT

Man I love music. It seems like I'm always finding more artists and bands that keep producing more music. Millions of songs and hundreds of styles and genres.

I wonder if anyone wonders how the old folks used to do it. Your average Roman citizen never heard of Disciple, Michael W. Smith, Britney Spears, Metallica or Elvis Presley. Kind of odd how technology changes our lives in ways we may never realize.

I love listening to most genres of music, but one thing I like doing is listening to secular music. It's... it's like audio-people watching. You know where on the occasion, some of us odd people will take walks or sit down in a park and observe people and their behavior? It's like that, but in audio form. I keep tabs on the world and what it's thinking. See how they act when something happens. Maybe think about what they should have done instead. Or, as I've been noticing, it's amazing to see how often wordly people will enact biblical principles and not even realize it. Or sometimes I just laugh. Next 2 You is a Buckcherry song about this guy who seems to fall in love with a very honorable young woman who won't ever compromise her standards and it's driving him crazy. It makes me smile watching simple nonconformity force the other man to conform to her ways. If she never sleeps with him, he has no choice [we're assuming that he really does love her] but to marry her and stick to her in order to get what he wanted the whole time.

^_^

Mmm. I go longer without updating more and more. I wonder how long it'll be before I just... don't do it anymore. I have a list of Xangas and tend to read... most of them. Comment on very few. *shrugs* I've been busy doing real life stuff instead of spending time MySpacing or Xanga'ing. Which... lol... is way better.

God's really been blessing me through work lately. Kelly talked to me a few weeks back about some of the older guys leaving and wanting me to train me on being Crew Chief [which essentially means that of the two people that go out, one has to be in charge and the other is just a worker. Usually I'm the "worker".] - and there's a lot more things you need to know about customer interaction, pricing, and what to do when X happens. Workers just... work. But he mentioned upselling and a few points on that... and since then I think I've upsold $1250 worth of work in... a week. That basically means that while I was there, I sold the customer to do more than what we originally showed up to do. A lot of that is just that the customer doesn't know what else we do. We're Window Gang. Who would know that by that title, that we pressure wash roofs, houses, decks, driveways. Clean out gutters and gutter facings. Seal decks, driveways, and patios. And not just pressure wash, but throw down strong chemicals on those hard surfaces. We clean out dryer vents. We sweep chimneys. Seriously. How does Window Gang = Chimney Sweeping?

But just talking to the customer, telling them "Hey, your driveways is heck of a dirty and I can make it look like new... and you're selling your house, you might like to make it look like new."

The point is that I keep 10% of that upsell. So upselling is good. =)

Let's see. You ever run into something that's really deep? Emotional, spiritual, but on the actual physical detail side you can't explain jack? It's like knowing the world is going to end and you don't know how or why. Just that it is. But then if you told anyone, no one would believe you. Yeah, like that. Being with Amanda recently is like that. If I was to just tell you, yeah we talked on the phone for X amount of minutes, took a few pictures, and saw each other a few times last week, it wouldn't... mmm. It just doesn't *sound* as awesome as it *is*.

Joseph had a movie night for Julie since she's back for... I dunno how long. A different crowd that usual at our house, but it was still fun. I haven't seen the Mask of Zorro in a long time. Mmm. And I think we have left over pizza. That is always good. So we all hung out and had a good time watching the movie and talking. Well at least I had fun watching the movie and talking. I don't know if everyone else thought it was great or not.

I got to sleep in this morning. So I'm doing good. I need to read more.

Have a good one.

He'll Be Here In Like... 2 Seconds.

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 03:59:28 GMT

Normal people knock on doors before going through them. Maybe even ring the doorbell if they're the more formal kind. Not Luke Macias. He just opens the door and strides through.

Back up half a minute.

Caleb gets a phone call. Talks for a minute. Then hangs up. Luke said he would be here [at the lock-in] a while ago and it seems like he should have been here already. So I ask Caleb, "When's Luke gonna be here?" Caleb replies, "He should be here in like 2 seconds." Mentally, my mind jumped. If Luke just called, he would still be on his way, even if he was just down the street. Meaning he couldn't be here in 2 seconds. So I count it out on my fingers. One, two. *BAM* The door busts open and in strides Luke.

We all died laughing. It was hilarious.

That party was pretty rock'n. Those two rascals did decently for having so many people and so much food and being so young and not ever doing it before. While some of the more astute party-goers noticed a difference in the program between a standard Andrew-planned party and this event, most enjoyed themselves - which was the entire point. Nigel turns 18 on Wednesday. That seems... wrong somehow. It just... doesn't sit right. Joseph's 18, Amanda's 18, Anna's 18. Nigel's almost 18. Mmm. Just doesn't seem right somehow. =p

But yes, outstanding event. It was probably the most untraditional party I've ever been to. What with the splitting up at 9, the people showing up at or after 10, leaving at 2:00, staying until 7PM the next day. Taking pictures based on alphabetizing our middle names. Two of the most amazing entrances to my house - ever... within... half an hour. Luke's entrance was impeccable, and Amanda's was most surprising.

Today was crazy. I was on the fully extended 24 foot ladder, scrubbing gutter facings with a purple-soaked rag. Occasionally the flesh-burning chemical would creep down my arm. My right arm now carries a light burn. Mmm. Such fun cleaning metal 25 feet in the air, standing on a metal ladder on top of a small hill in the middle of a thunderstorm. My job *rocks* Haha. But at least I finally got a good day's pay out of working late. Recently it seems I'll work all day or most of a day and make almost jack. Not fun. I love the rain, and I loved working in it today but... well, I guess it's in your attitude.

I haven't had a chance to get all philosophical [at least on Xanga... I've been on my phone a *ton*] yet, but I'm sure I'll do that... sometime when I find time. But on Thursday night I went to go talk with Amanda's parents about courting her. Which turned out quite successful. I occasionally stop and say it out loud - "I have a girlfriend". I'm... so not used to it. So there's probably lots of weird spiritual principles and thoughts to come out of that situation. Oh hey, like this one:

Everything seems to be happening at the same time. It's like for a long time, you sow, and sow, and sow. You water, you make sure your seeds get sunshine and nothing happens. Which is ok with you. Because you were sowing just to sow, because He said so. Now they say you will see "results". Which you will. But results or the harvest - for yourself - is not the point. The giving is. But sometimes it seems like you sow forever and nothing happens. Then, in a split second, it all changes. Who I am, where I stand with people, and what I own is vastly differently last week to a few weeks from now. It feels like the world turned upside down and God saw and said it was good. I'm just trying to figure it out. I'm going to be buying a car pretty soon [the sooner the better], I'm going to be talking to my boss about the company, I'm going to prom with my ... well, girlfriend, and I think I'm getting a new phone. God's pulling our whole family away from doing something we've always done, into doing something new. It's like... you just give it a few months, and I'll be almost a completely different person.

Much like last year where I move from being a mostly worthless bum to a thrifty member of the working class.

Anyways. I hope that was enough of an update for you Caleb. I'd appreciate you all praying for me as my mind sorts through everything. Even if I had stayed home, the phone calls would be enough to throw me for a loop. Person X is dealing with Person Y, I haven't seen Z in forever so I catch her at Starbucks, Person A calls and leaves a voicemail - I still need to get back with you Bethany. It's been pretty crazy. I would write out the series of events, but it's late and I need sleep. I'm not going to get enough as it is. Well... haha, Joe's working tomorrow so I can make him drive while I nap.

Thank you Jesus.

No Man Is An Island

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 04:56:47 GMT

Though sometimes I think man wonders who he's connected to, because the people around him look like they're floating on a completely different ocean.

I just was looking over my MySpace friends list, and realizing how long it's been since I've talked to some people. It threw into stark contrast the fact that you can't talk to everyone, all the time. To spend more time with one person is to spend less time with others. A shame, when you want to spend more time with them all.

Then I thought how... well no one is an island. I'm constantly amazed at how connected people are. Ever noticed how it seems with few exceptions, a lot of your friends and family will go through good and bad times together. Now is one of those exceptional times where everyone I know is ... somewhere different. Some are coming out of really rough times and enjoying themselves in the light. Others had been doing pretty good and getting things figured out, only to have the hammer dropped on their lives. A few were in the darkness and responded with yet more fear and blame. And then there a few people like me who, despite both good and bad times, are constantly moving on to another victory. Trust me, that's possible. I was born special, but so were you. Kicking life's butt is easy once you learn the secret.

It makes me feel so good to be so deeply connected with people. To be at the same place spiritually and emotionally. It's like the essence of life. And then I'll turn around and talk to someone who... I couldn't even begin to empathize with what's happening to them. It's so strange. It's like two places connected by a bridge, and while you turned around to do something else, that bridge burned down. You can see what's going on, but lack the power to cross over and get involved. And as I just said that, I'm seeing how that applies to a lot of different situations. Many and more are the reasons humans don't get involved. More's the pity.

You know what's really strange is the music I listen to while I'm typing all this out. You think I'd be listening to praise and worship or some catchy pop song. But no, 'tis Metallica. *laughs*

Well I'd appreciate your prayers, as always. I got a few decisions up ahead and I need His wisdom to discern what to do and the timing of several different events. Much thanks.

Tailor Made

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 03:10:41 GMT

No more, the crap rolls out your mouth again.
Haven't changed, your brain is still gelatin.
Little whispers circle around your head.
Why don't you worry about yourself instead?

Who are you? Where ya been? Where ya from?
Gossip burning on the tip of your tongue.
You lie so much you believe yourself,
Judge not lest ye be judged yourself.

Holier than thou, you are.
Holier than thou, you are.
You know not.

Before you judge me, take a look at you,
Can't you find something better to do?
Point the finger, slow to understand,
Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand.

It's not who you are, it's who you know.
Others' lives are the basis of your own.
Burn your bridges and build them back with wealth.
Judge not lest ye be judged yourself.

Holier than thou, you are.
Holier than thou, you are.
You know not.

Who the hell are you?

Holier than thou, you are.
Holier than thou, you are.
You know not.

Really kind of odd. I sat down to write because I haven't done so in a while [mostly because... it's rather pointless.] and because I wanted to get my mind off of something. I'd go into it, but... ha, I won't.

So I opened up Xanga and thought for a minute about what to say. Because all that's going on in there are principles, feelings, or parts of the small event that I was trying to get away from. So I turn on some music. Then I realize what song is next on that album and I go to play it. Then... I realize it's absolutely perfect for another situation. One of those things I've just stayed out of because it's pointless to reason with crazy, unchangeable people. Thus, instead of ever having to get involved, I can just quote that song. It's... perfect on an unbelievable level.

Funny how life can work like that. You try to find an answer for so long. Then get totally distracted. And therein, find the answer.

I'd write more, but I'd wind up saying something sooner or later that I'd rather not have said. So comment on this entry, or you won't get any more.

Something Beautiful

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 04:26:19 GMT

I've heard it in the silence, seen it on a face,
I've felt it in the long hour, like a sweet embrace.
I know this is true, it's calling out to me.

It's a voice that whispers my name. It's a kiss without any shame.
Something beautiful.
Like a song that stirs in my head, singing love will take us where,
Something's beautiful.

It's the child on her wedding day, it's the daddy that gives her away.
Something beautiful.
When we laugh so hard we cry, or the love between you and I,
Something beautiful.
- Newsboys / Something Beautiful / Go

There are certain moments of pure perfection, that make life worth living. Hahaha. Like just now I totally used grammar and circular logic to pwn Brian. Well I was kind of leading him into pwnage, but still. Same difference.

But what I was really talking about were... just totally perfect moments. Moments where everything exists as God intended. Your mind is focused, your heart is pure, and your flesh is actually behaving as it was intended to behave. I had one today, me and Joseph were driving back from renting the movie we're going to watch tomorrow night, stopped for some good food, and were driving home, listening to the radio and singing at the top of our lungs. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing the long grass making those cool waves. I wasn't worried about anything focused completely on that moment. Brotherhood. I live for it.

Another happened earlier in the week. Or... rather, last week. I think it was Thursday. Weather was gorgeous outside. I was working in Boerne, doing the Boerne Church of Christ. So after I went to the dentist, worked, I went to the Hare's house because it was just like a mile from the BCoC. After playing with the children and taking them back, Amanda and I talked in the park right next to her house. She wanted to swing, so swing we did. Again, perfect weather. I was no where but in that moment.

Little glimpses of perfection, where the entire world seems to stop, and support what you're doing right then. Everything is purely and utterly right about something. It's amazing.

Mmm. That is all.

Oh lastly, you fight for what you really want. At the end of the day, when it's all said and done, you did what you wanted to do. You simply wanted to do one thing more than another. I've been thinking about that recently, as what I've wanted [to do right, to do God's way] conflicts with what I want to do my way. And I've noticed what when I'm really passionate about doing it right, what I wanted to do melts away. It's a choice we all make. You... always do what you want. Free will, man. Scary powerful.

Oh How Bittersweet, The Changing of Seasons

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 03:47:54 GMT

Today, February 22nd marks the changing of seasons. It's now Spring here in San Antonio. If you doubt that fact, step outside. [Watch a cold front come in, just to spite me =p] Not only that, but Nigel said something I think was quite prophetic tonight on the phone - the seasons are changing. As I think on it, I completely agree. I can feel it deep in my bones. The seeds that we've been sowing have been taking root and will very soon start their visible growth. I can just... tell. It's all changing.

To mark this remarkable and profound event, I leave you with two songs that properly explain... everything. The first song makes me cry, every single time. And I've heard it over a dozen. I hear it start on the radio and I figure there's no way I'll crack after hearing it this many times, but I always do. The second is, well, overused perhaps, but when a song is as brilliant as How To Save A Life... it's impossible for not to be brilliant for everyone.

Looking back, he sees it all,
It was her first date the night he came to call.
Her dad said son, have her home on time.
And promise me you’ll never leave her side.
He took her to a show in town,
And he was ten feet off the ground

He was walking her home and holding her hand.
Oh the way she smiled, it stole the breath right out of him.
Down that old road, with the stars up above,
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love.
He was walking her home.

Ten more years and a waiting room, at half past one,
And the doctor said come in and meet your son.
His knees went weak, when he saw his wife,
She was smiling as she said he's got your eyes.
And as she slept he held her tight,
His mind went back to that first night.

[repeat Chorus]

He walked her through the best days of her life,
Sixty years together and he never left her side.
A nursing home, at eighty-five,
And the doctor said it could be her last night.
And the nurse said oh, should we tell him now,
Or should he wait until the morning to find out?
But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home, and holding her hand.
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end,
And just for a while they were eighteen,
And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back, he sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call
- Mark Schultz / Walking Her Home / Broken & Beautiful

Let him know that you know best,
Cause after all you do know best.
Try to slip past his defense,
Without granting innocence.
Lay down a list of what is wrong,
The things you've told him all along,
And pray to God he hears you.
And pray to God he hears you.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
- The Fray / How To Save A Life / How To Save A Life

Did You Know?

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 02:49:57 GMT

I was just watching that "That's My King" video. They played in church again today. I cried. It's good to be in love with the Lord.

The absolutely greatest personality lived not only a life without sin, but a life full to bursting with life. Every moment of every day was saturated not with Himself, but with His Father. And then when He was beaten, scourged, and crucified and then He left His physical body, He went down to hell for 3 days and preached. Isn't that amazing? Did you know that God didn't raise Jesus Christ from the dead to prove a point or to show us it could be done. The last two lines of "That's My King" state, Death could handle Him and the Grave couldn't hold Him. The absolute power of His pure life, His perfect spirit, His fulfillment of the Law... It's impossible for the source of life to stay dead. I'm certain it wasn't a possibility. Death, that thing that claims us all. Most people consider it to be the ultimate power in the universe. Death and the Grave with all their power, could not keep Him there.

And that same personality now dwells inside of you.

The thought seems to make my problems absurdly small.

Random Version 4.0

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 18:21:29 GMT

I'll give mad props who can post links to the other two entries that came before this one that make it 4.0 instead of... well, the first.

The past several days I've had several thoughts that stand all on their own, that I've wanted to talk about but never managed to sit down and right them. Sharp moments of clarity and intense emotion that never were expressed, only realized by myself. And I wrote small notes to try and keep them alive long enough to write them down more fully. They're not very connected and may not even make a lot of sense, but I'm writing them more for my own sake.

I was watching Smallville late on Thursday night. I only recorded about the last half, but from where I hear that was the good half. Long story short, Lex Luthor [as anyone who watches Superman or Smallville knows, is the bad guy] is getting married to Lana, the girl who Clark loves and who most of the time seems to love him even though she's getting marred to Lex. In the previous episode, Clark was exposed to red kryptonite which basically strips him of his good sense, and he carried off Lana from her engagement party and when Lex came to get her back, Clark almost killed him. In this episode, it ends with Lex, mostly calmly berating Clark for his behavior, and then inviting him to the wedding. Lex hands Clark the invitation and tells Clark to not look so surprised. "Is this what you want?", Clark asks. Lex explains that what he wants to Lana to make Lana happy for the rest of her life, and that he knows that she stills cares a good deal for him and it would mean a lot for her to have him there. "And I want you there at the wedding, so you can see what you missed."

I was struck by the cold hearted cruelty of the statement. Wanting someone present for an event for the sole purpose of causing them pain by that event taking something away from the someone. Right after that thought, it occurred to me how much Lex I was. Or how much I am without Christ. All of us are born a certain way. The right mix of boldness and fear, love and hate, perfection and depravity. Satan can mar what God created, but something in everyone conveys a small facet of God. We are made in His image - we can't not display Him in some small ways. We all have strengths and weakness and would turn into monsters of all various kinds without Christ. As I saw Lex act, walk, and exist I was struck by how much of a role model for behavior he would be to me without God. I'd aspire to be more heartless, more intelligent, and more powerful than he was. It is my nature.

And honestly, who I am hates who I was. The exact person I was and could have been is probably the most evil from my own perspective. Other evils seem less real because I couldn't have attained them through my personality.

The whole thought was... well, kind of sad.

Supernatural is tangible. This is something Pastor Terry said last night that I found to be worth thinking about. Jesus treated them like they were tangible, and we can too. Truth, Justice, Grace, Mercy, Favor, Patience, Faith... these are not abstracts. They are not "out there". They are not inaccessible. They, through Christ Jesus, live within you and I. They are there to grow, to nurture, and to use. They are things you can walk on and walk in. They are not goals you can never reach, they are tangible objects that you merely have to pick up, and use. If you can change your perception of the supernatural, and see it as even more tangible than the natural [and what is the natural, but a dim reflection and a less real version of the supernatural? For now we see through a mirror, darkly] the problems you face would seem smaller. They really are trifles that you deal with, compared to Jesus. But you just don't see them that way.

Satan has more talent than us. Also something said last night. It has to do with serving two masters. A Chrstian rock band can not, without God, ever be better than a normal rock band. This thought I've had for a long time - why does secular music sound better? It's because a rock band that plays Christian music and a Christian band that plays rocks music are two different things. The former can never compete with the world. They serve two masters - their Lord and their guitar. The world just serves one - the guitar. That guitar is their god. Their all in all. Their money, their fame, their life revolves around their skill to play, the lyrics they sing, and the records they sell. A rock band that plays Christian music strives to do both and fails. How could you compete? You can't.

The difference is, that with sole focus on the Lord, He can make up in power what we lack with talent. Paul himself talked low of his own speech. He was not a talented orator, by his own admission. Some of the greatest speakers I have ever heard, were... well... not good at speaking. They were hard to understand, sometimes phrased things oddly, but what they were not excellent in physically, God made powerful supernaturally. Their words were power and the pictures they painted with them were real, clear, and gave me understanding. Much the same way a group of people totally devoted to the Lord, that play the music He wants them to play, will outclass any worldly band - not because of their own talent, but because God gives the increase.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right,
It’s too late to fight,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
- All American Rejects / It Ends Tonight / Move Along

I don't know if I could ever explain it correctly, but it's like fighting a horrible enemy or living with something you just can't take anymore. Then in one singular moment, you just end it all. Before the sun comes up, you'll take care of it. No excuses, no new insights, no new reasons. It's over.

The Hero King. It's a character I plan on using in a novel at some point and is slightly different than the type of characters I've used to illustrate points in the past [The Indolent King and the Determined Student, for starters]. The Hero King is just that - a Hero. Heroes are not rulers. They are not born and bread from an early age, groomed to rule and govern. Heroes are fighters, warriors. A Hero King would be a king who won a great war, the strongest of the strong. Right, by might. The personality of a triumphant warrior, who was crowned for his skill would be completely different than a prince who just automatically assumes the station he was born for. His interaction with the high and mighty, the low born, the warriors, the priests, and especially his Princess Bride, would be radically different than a Prince's. And... maybe not all for the best.

And in the air the fireflies,
Our only light in paradise.
We'll show the world they were wrong,
And teach them all to sing along.

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive [I'm alive]
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried,
If everyone loved and nobody lied,
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride,
We'd see the day where nobody died.

If everyone cared and nobody cried,
If everyone loved and nobody lied,
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride,
We'd see the day where nobody died.
When nobody died...

And as we lie beneath the stars,
We realize how small we are.
If they could love like you and me,
Imagine what the world could be.
- Nickelback / If Everyone Cared / All The Right Reasons

I was made to love you, I was made to find you,
I was made just for you, Made to adore you,
I was made to love, And be loved by you.
You were here before me, You were waiting on me,
And you said you'd keep me, Never would you leave me,
I was made to love and be loved by you.

Anything I would give up for you,
Everything, I'd give it all away.

Anything I would give up for you,
Everything, I'd give it all away.

Anything I would give up for you,
Everything, I'd give it, I'd give it all away.
- Toby Mac / Made to Love / Portable Sounds

In Christ alone, I place my trust
And find my glory, in the power of the cross
In every victory, let it be said of me,
My source of strength, my source of hope,
Is Christ alone.
- Brian Littrell / In Christ Alone / WOW #1s

Goodbye, My Broken Sunday

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 22:53:25 GMT

I looked up at the stars tonight,
To see your face and to feel your presence now...
I need you here right now
- Saliva / Broken Sunday / Blood Stained Love Story

I've been working more frequently because Eddie went out of town for a month and there's usually been enough work for 4 guys. Huzzah. I've been getting less sleep, but I took a nap today and hopefully tonight I can go to bed at a reasonable hour and catch up tonight and tomorrow night 'cause I work again on Monday. Mmm. Yesterday was cool. I was all prepared to go home and relax when Nigel calls me and desperately needed a ride to Brian's house. And once I was there... how could I resist friends and pizza? *laughs* It was good to see folk again. Especially people like Halye, John, and Thomas who I had not seen in a while.

Ah, then we kidnapped Brian [or well, convinced his parents to let him go] and took him and Nigel back to his dad's house... Joseph showed up a while later and we guys made a night of it. ... *sings* But in totally manly way

Aye, t'was good. Today, maybe not so much. I dunno I've just been tired and listless all day. Not good. Kind of like out of touch with my real self. It's strange because I used to just... live... the way I am now. Now I consider this bad. *laughs* God is good to have let me grow the way He has.

Mmm... I guess that's it. You kids have fun. Peace.